If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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