i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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