I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
