he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
