your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
