the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
