two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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