Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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