I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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