My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
