Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
