Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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