my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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