im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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