He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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