You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
