In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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