I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
