New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
