Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
