I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
