Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
smell my finger.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
