The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
