batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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