You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
false alarm. still invincible.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
