He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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