i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
