My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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