That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
