You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
