just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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