So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
