My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
