if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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