Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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