I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
