Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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