Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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