Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
