after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
