I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
