she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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