this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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