fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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