Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
