I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
