I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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