I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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