if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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