I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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