so that wasnt chicken after all
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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