I puked a lego.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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