She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
