You really coming over, don't trick.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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