She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
