I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
