what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
