Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
