you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
