There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize