Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
