its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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