I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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