well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My liver just had a heart attack.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
