But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
