It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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