in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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