I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize