dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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