last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
